Payback time Draco from a Scottish elf!
by CoralPotion
Summary: Hermione is standing sobbing in the girls toilets after Draco Malfoy called her a mudblood in her second year. But what happens when feisty Scottish elf Fergus makes friends with her and he plots revenge on Malfoy for upsetting her? VERY FUNNY STUFF FERGUS IS A LEGAND!


Hi I'm in a funny mood today so I thought I'd write this because in my head it sounded hilarious!

It is set after Draco Malfoy called Hermione a mudblood in their second year - the chamber of secrets and the trio have JUST walked out from visiting Hagrid.

Hermione makes a trip to the girls bathroom - One with myrtle stalking it, and meets an elf called Fergus who is Scottish who takes no crap from nobody and decides Draco needs a lesson in manners. Ah got to love our Scottish humour.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>"I'm just going to the little girls room, I will see you boys later" 12 year old Hermione Granger said walking quickly to the girls bathroom.<p>

She didn't want Harry or Ron to think she was a cry-baby but she couldn't help it! Malfoy- that... monster said something unforgivable! Just because her parents are not wizards so that automatically makes her dirty blood(!)

"Stupid, stupid Malfoy!" sobbed Hermione as she pushed open the girls toilets and leaned over the sink, looking into the dusty mirrors she saw moaning Myrtle hovering about.

"Why are you crying?" Myrtle said coldly as she floated around every cubical in the toilets.

"Draco Malfoy was mean to be because I'm a muggleborn" Hermione choked out in-between sobs

Myrtle cackled at her " Well sure! Go cry about it! Poor Hermione Poor Poor girl! I got killed when someone was mean to me NOT YOU!" she let out a loud moan and dived into a toilet - not appearing again.

Hermione wiped her now red puffy eyes with her sleeve, Moaning Myrtle should know better than anyone what it feels like to be called a mudblood- she was muggleborn just like her!

"Wipe those eyes Lassie, nay need tai greet over a midden arse like him" a voice said which made Hermione look around her.

"Hello? Myrtle if that is you I am not in the mood!" Hermione shouted but then let a short scream at an elf looking down at her from her head.

The elf jumped off Hermione's head into the sink so he was roughly eye level to her.

"I'm sorry I startled ye" the elf said apologetically

Hermione laughed a little then replied "I'm sorry, I'm not used to having elfs looking down at me from on the top of my head!" with a sad smile she gave him.

"My names Fergus at yer service lass" the elf bowed humouring her.

Hermione giggled then said: "Hello Fergus I'm Hermione Granger, I'm in 2nd year and in Gryffindore" she shook his little hand gently

"So 'ermione, wits wi the water works? Somebody upset ye hen?" Fergus asked sitting down on the edge of the bowl careful not to fall off.

She laughed a sorrowful laugh then sniffed wiping the excess tears away.

"Fergus, you know about muggleborns right?"

"Course I dey, what 'bout them?"

"Are... are you one of those, pureblood fanatics?"

The elf fell off the sink in hysterical laughter, Hermione kneeled down to see if he was alright but looked confused when she saw the elf wiping his eyes and clutching his ribs.

"Oh Lassie, Oh jings crivens help ma boab! OH I've no hud a good laugh like that in many a year let me tell ye!" he laughed again then stood up and walked a pace towards her.

"I dinnie see whit the problem is wi 'em, 'hey're normal people like ye or ma - self, to me all those bloody purebloods need a right good 'hacking wi a mullet, the bloody ejits, lot o' tripe wallop! Pureblood and muggleborns and halfbloods anaw they're all the same bloody folk! Just muppets who cannie see straight oot their arse!" The elf ranted causing Hermione to be the one doubled over in hysterics.

"Whits so funny?" Fergus asked crawling on her tummy and twirling her hair.

"I'm sorry it's because your Scottish and you ranting makes it much funnier! I've never met a Scottish elf before" Hermione said calming finally.

"Och aye, and I bet yeve never heard a elf fi Glassgow before either?"

"Cant say I have I'm afraid"

"Oh they're brilliant them! Ma cousin John in the three broomsticks yesterday was takin' the absolute piss outeh Severus Snape - funny man" he laughed

"Who Snape?!" Hermione questioned him

"Naw ma cousin!" the elf cackled along with the witch.

Fergus came from a wealthy family in Scotland and was set free by his kind master but decided to still serve them as they were so kind to him, amoungst the many people who were nice to house elfs. He was 40 years old in a matter of days and was looking around Hogwarts where he was once made go before his kind master brought him. The family name was... Millton or something similar to it, and was having a look around again with the blessing of Dumbledore of course.

When he heard a wean crying her wee eyes out, poor wee thing was hunched over a sink sobbing hysterically while being teased by that moaning cow Myrtle or "Turtle" as he liked to call him as she has the same attention span of one, or possibly even less! Fergus had decided, he was going to help the little girl cheer up, and show that little shit Malfoy that he had no right to say that, especially to such a lovely wee lassie such as Hermione.

"That wee Mafloy's a crow faced git - he is!" The elf exclaimed clicking his fingers to create a hairstyle on his like Draco's.

"Oh I'm Draco Malfoy, Ma hairs so slack and sleakit just like ma self, oh and look I'm a pureblood hardy har har" while mimicking the child to perfection.

There was no sign of those tears that were lined on the little girl's face now, only a smile that the sun and moon would die for.

"That's exactly like him Fergus!" She laughed and hugged him. The little elf patted her back.

Aye, he liked this wee witch, she'd make a great pal to anyone who met her.

"'ermione, me and yerself are goin' tay git revenge on that wee brat faced monkey"

"But how? I don't want him hurt!" The girl cried, scared the elf was going to set fire to him or something

"Naw he'll no be hurt, I've got a plan" the elf said whispering the rest into her ear.

Her eyes suddenly shone a mischievous gold colour.

"LETS DO IT!"

* * *

><p><strong>Scottish translations incase anyone needs them.<strong>

**Naw - No**

**Yerself - yourself**

**Tay- to**

**sleakit- sleaked**

**Whits- What's**

**Midden- a mischievous person often referenced to a child**

**Ma - my**

**'em - means them but I was trying to follow how Hagrid pronounces words**

**Och aye- means oh yes**

**dey- do**

**Lassie/ Lass - a female/ girl**

**Wi - with**

**Hud- had**

**jings crivens help ma boab- a Scottish phrase that just means something like: Good heavens or oh mighty me, it can be said to express annoyance, impatientnes, if something is too much like too funny, exclaimation like if someone shouted it the state of your bedroom or something.**

**oot - out**

**ejits- idiot**

**Outeh - out of (it isn't spelt like this but it is how it would be said)**

**Yer - your**

**Yeve - you have**

* * *

><p><em>So how was it so far? I've put a lot of what I say daily in here so for those people abroad I'm sorry if you cant understand what I meant.<em>

_Anyone actually looking forward to chapter 2?_

_Fergus has a BEAUTY of payback for Malfoy let me assure you!_

_Draco Malfoy: My father will hear about this!  
><em>_Me: Oh good, when you tell him - tell him that Coral Potion says he's tidy and he's sexy_

_Draco Malfoy: EWWWW!_

_Me: Well? On you go then - mind tell him!  
><em>_Draco Malfoy *leaves*_

_Me: He's not gonna tell him is he? oh well *wanders of shouting "OH CROCODILE!"*_


End file.
